


what was (what is) can't be changed

by DarlingNikki



Series: November Prompts [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2551514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarlingNikki/pseuds/DarlingNikki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little bit of unfiltered stream of thought from Derek's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what was (what is) can't be changed

**Author's Note:**

> During the month of November I'm doing a challenge with FictionalFaerie, so each day I'll be posting a new fic snippet. These are multifandom, multiple ratings, varying lengths, so expect something a little different each day!
> 
> Prompt #1 Sharp  
> Teen Wolf, Derek's POV, and seriously so much angst. I'm so not happy with this, but here it is. Derek's stream of conscience, unfiltered, unbeta'd, uncut. Please forgive me?

This is the end. All that has come before has ended now. Maybe it's enough, maybe he's done, and maybe this will all just end. Derek's smart enough to know that's just an idle pipe dream. It's never going to end, it's never going to be enough. From one moment to the next, from age fifteen on, life has just been drifting from one tragedy to the next.

She'd said that she'd loved me. I believed. I never even noticed how _cold_ she was, how her laughs and teasing grins held such a mocking edge, like there was a joke only she understood. It was only after that I realized that the joke was on me.

Everything burned to the ground, my home, my family, my life, and I was nothing but broken pieces left behind. After, it was just me and Laura, and there is no safety, no security left for us. Laura didn't know what had happened, she only knew that somehow hunters came, and we were all that was left and Beacon Hills was not our home anymore. She'd been so afraid, and so not ready for the responsibilities of an alpha, but she'd done it. She took me, and we ran.

An endless stream of sketchy gas stations and greasy spoon diners, and dilapidated motel rooms that smelled like mildew and dust. Every day just blended into the next.

The first full moon we just holed up in another shitty motel room in some backwater North Dakota town. We didn't feel safe enough to run, so we just barred the room and locked ourselves inside. The change was different that night, what normally was painless, a simple shifting from one state of being to the next, was agony burning through his bones. That night there was no control. There was nothing human in me that day. I went mad, throwing myself at the door wildly. Over and over, snarling not even recognizing my alpha trying to hold me down, stop me. I was exactly what Kate had thought I was.

For years every single time I closed me eyes I saw her. Her smile was sharp and cold and like a knife's blade, cutting into me time and time again. I'd flash back to the day in her car behind the local pool. We'd just had sex for the first time, and I'd smiled so wide and so innocently, and called what we did “making love.” I was such a fool. I hadn't even realized something was wrong when she'd scoffed, “Kid, we fucked.” She then ran her hand down my chest, leering, “Only children call it making love.”

Her casually cruel words had only embarrassed me then, I'd only wanted my cool older girlfriend to like me.

I was such a fucking fool.

She broke down every part of me, and I never managed to put myself together again. Werewolf healing does nothing for broken insides. My insides are nothing but sharp pieces of broken glass slicing my hands to ribbons as I try to piece them back together. Nothing fits how it used to fit, and ever single thing I try only shatters me further.

I only destroy everything I touch with the sharp edges of my heart.

The power of an alpha seemed like it could be enough to fix me, but it was just another delusion. I don't know how I convinced myself it would work. Maybe I was just drunk on power and still so very stupid. All I know is that I dragged a bunch of innocent kids into the supernatural shit show that is Beacon Hills, and stood by helplessly as one by one they got pulled under.

Jackson's transformation went horribly wrong. Instead of a werewolf, we got a murder lizard, and he's living with the blood on his hands. He couldn't even stay in town when he was finally cured, he left and will never be coming back. It's probably the best decision he could've made, since everything just got worse from there.

Erica, oh god, Erica who thought she would finally get to live a life free from the crippling seizures, instead she knew more pain and fear. Her new found strength wasn't enough to save her, and she's dead. Just a dead body left for him to found in an old bank, discarded like trash. No one even talks about her now; she's just a footnote in the bloody history of this town.

When Derek's claws come out, he can feel blood dripping off of them. His hands, his claws, straight through Boyd's chest, and he wasn't strong enough to prevent it. He was made into a weapon. He killed his own, again.

Everyone dies, and Derek's left. He cuts himself open over and over, and it just heals, but he just can't stop thinking. He's got enough deaths on his conscience. He's a murderer that killed his own family, destroyed both of this packs.

He's nothing but the broken pieces and ashes. He has nothing left to give, and this town just keeps taking it all. He is nothing. A broken boy, broken toy, windup boy, watch him go.


End file.
